Great for people with no sense of smell like me!

EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway.

MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, its probably off.

MEAT: If opening the fridge door causes stray animals from a three mile radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

LETTUCE: Lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of the plate without using JIF (or CIF as its now known!)

CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of … carefully.

CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie into a knot like a shoelace is not fresh.

WINE: Should not taste like salad dressing.

NACHO DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, its gone bad.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept for longer than the average human lifespan.