On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.