Britney Spears to win Mother of the Year
Tom Cruise to become a Catholic
Paris Hilton to become a Nun
Harry Potter to return as a magician at The Phoenix Club with uncle Brian
Tony Blair 'outed' as the Anti-Christ
Jade Goody to pass a degree in Geography
Carol Vorderman arrested for miscalculating her tax return
Microsoft to bring out software that works first time

any more?