I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian.
-- Boxer Mike Tyson on his waning career

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.
-- California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.
-- President Gerald Ford

Please don't do any unnecessary driving unless it's absolutely necessary.
-- Local radio announcer commenting on hazardous driving conditions

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.
-- Voltaire

I speak twelve languages. English is the bestest.
-- Stefan Bergman

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-- Douglas Adams

I have a very high tolerance to alcohol. The problem is that I always get drunk long before I reach it.
-- Naomi Rose

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

He's living beyond his means, but he can afford it.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

I read part of it all the way through.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

There's a stalled car going west on Sunset Highway.
-- traffic broadcaster's warning

There's nothing wrong with pregnancy. Half the people wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for women being pregnant.
-- Sarah Kennedy

We must restore to Chicago all the good things it never had.
-- Richard Daley, Chicago mayor

I have reiterated over again what I have said before.
-- Robert F. Wagner

The secret to keeping winning streaks going is to maximize the victories while at the same time minimizing the defeats.
-- John Lowenstein, Baltimore Orioles outfielder

Every monumental inscription should be in Latin, for that being a dead language, it will ever live.
-- Samuel Johnson, eighteenth-century English writer

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
- Vince Lombardi

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious
-- Alan Minter

I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on radio.
-- President Gerald Ford

In no way is it possible for a person to be in two places at the same time, especially if there is a great distance in between.
-- Judge Amado Guerrero

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
-- George Gobel

I say no to drugs, but they don't listen.
-- Marilyn Manson

Do not mistake bribe-taking for corruption.
-- Vladimir Rushaylo, Russian interior minister

The President is aware of what is going on. That's not to say there is something going on.
-- Ron Ziegler, Nixon's press secretary

You can't do it that way. You spoil the anticlimax.
-- Michael Curtiz, film director

Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?
-- An accused thief at his trial

To hell with the public! I'm here to represent the people!
-- New Jersey state senator

This unit had as estimated strength of about 2,000 men, of which 300 were women.
-- Army Intelligence Officer Bruce E. Jones

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.
-- Murray Walker

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
-- Greg Norman

We're launching this innovation for the first time.
-- New York City mayor Jimmy Walker

If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
-- Terry Venables

I am philosophically opposed to any fare increase. That does not mean I will not support one.
-- Joseph Alexander, Fairfax County, Virginia supervisor

Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by
trawlers and nets.
-- From the British government's report on why cod are disappearing

Since the Governor has let the cat out of the bag there is nothing
left to do but take the bull by the horns.
-- Jeremiah MacVeagh

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
-- Sen. Barbara Boxer

For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.
We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ...
uh ... setbacks.
-- Former President George Bush

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
-- Oscar Levant

For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing
they like.
-- Abraham Lincoln

The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins concert tickets to caller number 95.
-- a Los Angeles radio DJ shortly after the 1990 earthquake

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
-- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous

You can't just let nature run wild.
-- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska

If I told you the truth, I'd be a hypocrite.
-- Michael Curtiz

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.
-- former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

Sure it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of
something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of Texas pesticide review board

That's the most unheard-of thing I ever heard of.
-- Senator Joseph McCarthy

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help
section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
-- Dennis Miller

The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to
make use of them till the ladies are seated."
- instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland

A brain scan has revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin.
-- British broadcaster Jo Sheldon